SHATTERED Jacqueline McCann fought back tears last night as
she spoke about her secret trauma and admitted: I feel
there's a jinx on me.
aunt of missing tot Madeleine McCann bit her lip as she told
how she found lover Alan Saunders dying in a pool of blood
after a vicious hammer attack.
she revealed for the first time the secret agony that still
haunts her, the 46-year-old said: "I'll never get the image
of Alan lying there out of my mind.
still haven't got over losing him. Now this has happened to
Madeleine I can't take it all in - I feel like I'm cursed."
Accountant Alan, 39, was battered to death by evil junkie
Scott Anderson just yards from the home he shared with
last night the traumatised Scot told us: "It was horrific. I
told myself it wasn't happening, it was the only way to
can't work because I'm severely depressed, my concentration
is gone. It's all too much."
Distraught Jacqueline, a former hospital
cleaner, is the older sister of Maddie's father
Gerry McCann (pictured below with wife Kate).
has a special bond with four- year-old Madeleine - who has
been missing for 31 days - because they share the same May
disappearance has rocked the entire family - and now
devastated Jacqueline is struggling to come to terms with
the second heartache.
told us: "I don't know how much more I can take. They have
to find Madeleine, I can't cope with losing someone else so
close to me."
Jacqueline and boyfriend Alan had been dating for seven
he was cruelly taken from her on March 16, 2003.
explained: "We were really happy together, Alan was a lovely
person and so good to me. He was my boyfriend and best
only problem we had was the neighbours."
addict Anderson, now 39, and his girlfriend Diane Ledgerwood,
38, made life hell for everyone living in their quiet street
in Busby, Renfrewshire.
louts blared music day and night as they partied with junkie
pals. And the druggies left hypodermic syringes and bags of
rubbish strewn in the road.
Jacqueline, who still lives in the street, told us: "We
couldn't get any peace and I was really scared. I'd had
trouble previously with break- ins and nightmare neighbours
at another house. To go through it again was too much to
months of silence, mild- mannered Alan snapped as he passed
the yobs' drugs den.
Anderson shouted abuse from an open window - and it was the
last straw for Alan, who yelled at him to clear out of the
strung-out junkie flew into a rage and ran downstairs to
rugby-tackle stunned Alan to the ground. Vile Ledgerwood
also ran out and joined in, raining down blows on the
Cowardly Anderson then battered Alan on the head five times
with a hammer before he and Ledgerwood ran off, leaving him
Neighbours called the police, who broke the horrifying news
to distraught Jacqueline.
told us: "I was taken along the street to identify him.
was one of the worst moments of my life, to see the man I
loved dying in the road.
wasn't ready to say goodbye, I went into total shock and was
unable to process what was happening.
is so much more I'd have said that night if I'd known that
was the last time I'd see him. But he was only going a few
streets away to visit his mum, how could I have known?"
Alan was rushed to nearby Hairmyres Hospital, East Kilbride,
but died a few hours later.
swooped on the junkies' grotty home where Anderson - who had
26 prior convictions, including one for armed robbery -
2004 he pled guilty to murder at the High Court in Glasgow.
He was sentenced to a minimum of 13 years and is now in
Shotts Prison, Lanarks. Charges against Ledgerwood were
Jacqueline was still struggling to rebuild her life when her
beloved niece went missing on May 3.
said: "There was no way I could even think about my birthday
on May 12 with Maddie gone.
a difficult time anyway, just after the anniversary of
Alan's death, but I have to stay strong.
been through so much already, I just have to hope and pray
that our Madeleine is found."