Abuse campaigner Sara Payne tells of her defiant battle for life after two brain ops

BATTLE WOUNDS: Her cropped hair and scar

BABY JOY: Son Luke with Layla and Alfie

VICTIM: Sarah

SURROUNDED by get well cards and family photos this is the courageous face of paralysed child abuse crusader Sara Payne as she begins her long road to recovery.

She needed TWO major brain ops in 36 hours after a massive stroke brought on by a brain aneurysm. Relatives gathered at her bedside as she was given just a 50/50 chance of survival.

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Now six weeks on, Sara, 40, reveals her deep scars - both physical and emotional - and says: "For a moment as I lay there I wondered if this was the point in my life when Sarah and I would be reunited."

In an emotional interview she tells how she was torn between fighting to stay in this world or slipping away to rejoin her beloved daughter in the next.

Still pale and drained, she recalls: "It's like I had a choice. If I'd seriously wanted to join her then I'd have just given up. But, for whatever reason, I didn't.

"I chose to live. And when you've lost a child that's a hard thing to come to terms with. Because there are times when being with Sarah is all I want - more than breath itself. But right now I have so much to live for.

"So I have to settle for knowing that one day I will meet Sarah again. And when it's my time to go, I'll go.

"But this wasn't that time. I know how close I came to dying and how seriously ill I was. But I try not dwell on that, because I have four amazing children all waiting for me to come home."

Sitting up in her hospital bed, buoyed by the goodwill messages around her, Sara fiddles constantly with her newly cropped hairstyle. "I always said I was going to cut it short when I turned 40, and now seemed as good a time as any," she declares.

"But after so many years of long hair, this is going to take some getting used to. It's a new look for a new chapter in my life - and I love it."

The stroke has left her without movement down her left side. "I know I've got a mountain to climb," says plucky Sara, her speech slightly slurred.

Then, recalling how she first had brain surgery to fix the anuerysm - a swollen blood vessel - back in 2008, she added: "And it's the second mountain in 18 months. Except this time round it feels more like Everest. Plus, I have to deal with the paralysis, which is hard on everyone. But I've done it once and I'm determined I can do it again."

Doctors have told Sara she will need many months of intensive physiotherapy to try and regain the use of her arm and leg. Painfully thin after losing two stones, she knows recovery will be a lengthy process.

Getting home is my priority but I've got to take it slowly and be patient," she says. "There is some feeling down my left side which is good. But the doctors have faith and know I'm a fighter."

Sara fell ill in the week before Christmas at her home in Hersham, Surrey. She recalls: "We'd all just finished decorating our enormous Christmas tree in the lounge. I went upstairs as I had a bad headache.

"My partner immediately recognised the signs of a stroke from the 'Act Fast' TV ads and sent for an ambulance because my arm and face had drooped.

"Doctors said his quick-thinking probably saved my life. When the local Chertsey hospital transferred me to the neurological unit at St George's in Tooting I realised it was serious - because that's where I had the original surgery.

"At that point I became very, very scared. Before the operation I said to my partner, 'I can't go through all this again'. I know that worried the family because they thought I was giving up, which isn't like me at all."

It was one more drama to pile the pressure on this remarkable woman who won the nation's heart with her astonishing show of dignity and courage following the abduction and murder of her eight-year-old daughter Sarah by convicted paedophile Roy Whiting in July 2000.

Voices

Now mum to Lee, 22, Luke 21, Charlotte, 15, and six-year-old Ellie, Sara says: "You can't imagine what something like this does - not just to me, but all of us.

"It's all the children have come to know in their short lives, illness and death in the family. And it really frightens all of them."

Following her operation Sara then had to have further surgery after complications, followed by intensive care on a ventilator for two weeks. "I remember waking up and hearing voices of family and friends," says Sara. "But I couldn't see or speak to them and that was hugely frustrating.

"My mind seemed to be working fine but all I could do was squeeze their hands. But hearing those voices was such a comfort."

But the family had a secret weapon that was about to boost brave Sara's chances - news that she'd just become a grandmother for the second time as Luke's girlfriend Layla gave birth to baby Alfie just after Christmas.

Beaming with pride, Sara caresses a photo of her new grandson and smiles: "The arrival of Alfie was just the tonic I needed. Apparently when they finally removed the ventilator and I was able to speak my first words were 'Alfie! Alfie!'

"I was so desperate to see him, but the doctors weren't too happy about bringing a newborn into intensive care!

"So the family brought a picture instead, which really cheered me up.

"I just love being a granny. And I'm more determined than ever to get better so that one day I'll be able kick a football around with him in the back yard." Sitting beside Sara, new dad Luke chips in: "Mum was lying in bed like a vegetable. She hadn't said a word since her operations and the nurses told us to expect the worst.

"But after she heard about Alfie being born she started showing signs of improvement. It was an amazing breakthrough and it was all down to Alfie."

Appointed the Government's independent Victims Champion last year, Sara has campaigned tirelessly for Sarah's Law - a range of measures to make Britain safer for children. And she remains as upbeat as ever.

Tough

Talking about the Government's plan to roll out the Sarah's Law pilot scheme nationwide, revealed by us last week, Sara picks up a copy of the paper and grins.

"Reading the News of the World made me feel a whole lot better," she insists. "But it's important to remember that we wouldn't be where we are today if it wasn't for all the millions of readers who signed that original petition 10 years ago. Without their support there wouldn't be a Sarah's Law. I'll never forget that."

Of her personal tragedies, she says: "Yes life has been tough, but I don't think its been tougher than anyone else's life. I guess our family has just been a bit unlucky recently.

"Sometimes in life, you don't have a choice, so you just get on with it. I'll be fine, I'll get there eventually.

Despite the enormity of the recovery ahead of her, Sara's immediate thoughts turn to Christmas.

"I get sad thinking about how I missed Christmas with the family," she says. "And it wasn't much of one for them either.

"So as soon as I'm out of hospital, they've promised me Christmas all over again, even if that's in the summer. Turkey, crackers, presents the lot!"