' Resort where McCanns were staying was an easy target, British
' Mrs McCann says her husband never made her feel guilty
' Parents called in social services themselves to 'pre-empt' any
New outfit: Kate McCann writes that she admired Madeleine in
her new pink outfit - but fears someone else did too
Kate McCann has said she fears the 'lovely' sight of her daughter
Madeleine in a new outfit may have tempted someone to kidnap her.
Mrs McCann said the new clothes were bought specially for the family
holiday in Portugal four years ago when the young girl was snatched.
The doctor said certain images of Madeleine were forever etched in her
mind, including a memory of the three-year-old in a pink smock top and
Her final photo of her daughter before she disappeared shows her wearing
the new outfit and sitting with father Gerry and younger sister Amelie
by the pool just hours before she vanished.
Mrs McCann, from Rothley, Leicestershire, had been dining with her
husband and seven friends at a tapas restaurant 100 metres from the
youngster's room in the resort of Praia du Luz when she disappeared
sparking a huge international search.
In an extract from her new book, serialised in the Sun, she said her
daughter looked lovely in her new outfit.
Mrs McCann described the clothes as: 'A small extravagance, perhaps, but
I'd pictured how lovely she would look in them and I was right.'
She added: 'I was following her with my eyes admiring her. I wonder now,
the nausea rising in my throat, if someone else was doing the same.'
The mother said it was only after the kidnapping that they realised
their ground floor apartment was an easy target for anyone wanting to
There were access roads and a shady entrance which would have made it
easy for someone to approach in secrecy.
Mrs McCann's book, called Madeleine, is published tomorrow, the day of
Madeleine's eighth birthday.
Proceeds from the 384-page book, which Mrs McCann has written herself
without the aid of a ghost writer, will boost the dwindling fund to
search for her daughter.
She also tells in the book how she battled to save her marriage in the
wake of the disappearance of her daughter.
Mrs McCann felt too guilty to take any pleasure in life, including
making love to her husband Gerry.
She was also plagued by fears that a paedophile may have taken Madeleine
and the thought of having sex 'repulsed' her.
Kate McCann has told of how she struggled to save her
marriage to Gerry in the wake of the disappearance of their
daughter Madeleine in 2007
In her account, Mrs McCann says her husband was supportive throughout
her worst years, never making her feel guilty. She said he would put his
arm around her to reassure her and would tell her he loved her.
Her approach to getting her marriage back on track ' which 'seems to
have worked' ' was to concentrate on what her husband meant to her and
their love for each other, and tell herself the 'evil person' who took
Madeleine must not be allowed to destroy anything else in her life.
For years, Mrs McCann says she was 'weighed down by guilt', and could
not even bear to sit down unless it was for a purpose such as eating or
using the computer.
After four months of searching for Madeleine in Portugal, the couple
were forced to make the unbearable journey home without her, breaking
down in tears when they landed back in Britain.
Mrs McCann said her 42-year-old husband, who was carrying their
two-year-old son Sean against his chest as they descended the aircraft
steps, was being 'so strong but I knew he was dying inside'
Distraught: Kate McCann has told of the couples return home
to Leicestershire and how she imagined seeing her daughter
in her bedroom
DAUGHTER'S DISAPPEARANCE MADE KATE QUESTION HER FAITH
Church pews have taken a 'thumping' from Kate McCann angry
that God has not answered her prayers, she reveals.
The devout Catholic said her daughter's disappearance made
her question her faith.
In her book, being serialised in The Sun, Mrs McCann says:
'There have been many times when I've felt God has deserted
me or that He has let Madeleine down . . .
'And yes, I've been angry with Him. I've shouted out loud
and on occasion I've hit things. (I'm afraid even the church
pews have had the odd thumping!).' She says she finds
comfort in the thought that wherever Madeleine is, God is
Back at their house in Rothley, later that day, she returned to
Madeleine's bedroom for the first time ' and imagined her daughter was
She writes that she stood at the open door and stared inside and could
almost see Madeleine lying on her side, her head resting gently on the
pillow with her blonde hair spread out behind.
When they returned from Portugal, the McCanns had been declared arguidos
' suspects ' in Madeleine's disappearance, and former GP Mrs McCann says
she and her hospital consultant husband recognised there would be
pressure on the authorities to assess the welfare of their twins, Sean
They called in social services themselves to 'pre-empt' any interest,
and were 'resigned' to being interviewed at their home by social workers
about their parenting skills.
As they tried to get back into the routine of life in the UK, there were
constant painful reminders of their previous happiness.
Back at Sean and Amelie's nursery ' which Madeleine also attended ' Mrs
McCann says she recalled how the twins would spy their older sister from
the window and say, 'There's Magalin', in their toddler babble. Mrs
McCann says: 'Their doting big sister would wave at them, bringing
beaming smiles to their little faces. God, it hurt.'
For details of ways to donate to the fund set up to search for
Madeleine, go to www.findmadeleine.com.