Madeleine McCann's mother Kate reveals paedophile fears
in new book in The Sun
Madeleine McCann's mother has revealed the terrible visions
' Kate and
Exclusive licensee: The Sun
MADELEINE McCann's mother has told for the first time of terrible
visions that her kidnapped daughter is being abused by a pervert.
heart-rending book serialised from today in The Sun, Kate, 43, writes
how she is haunted by "flashes" of Madeleine "screaming" for her and
couple also tell The Sun exclusively about being at the centre of one of
the most harrowing stories of modern times.
says four years after her three-year-old was snatched on a family
holiday in Portugal: "The idea that my Madeleine was taken by a
paedophile is my worst fear.
became consumed with it. It was torture for me. It was horrible, so
"It's worse when I go to bed and think about that first awful night
again, when Madeleine went missing.
"That sense of dark and fear, of being desperate to sleep but not being
able to. I just end up plummeting down again."
emotion-charged book by ex-GP Kate is titled simply Madeleine.
and consultant cardiologist Gerry, 42, admit they are plagued by guilt
over the night Madeleine vanished from their holiday apartment in Praia
da Luz while they enjoyed a meal with friends at a tapas bar.
says: "If your child is killed in a traffic accident, or died of cancer,
parents are at peace. But Madeleine is still missing and she needs us to
384-page book, which features previously unseen pictures of Madeleine,
is to be published on her daughter's eighth birthday on Thursday.
Search ... the McCanns have continued to look for Madeleine
since police called off the official investigation
Dan Charity - The Sun
Gerry put a comforting arm around Kate as he said of his brave wife:
"There were times when I thought she would never get back to being the
woman I love.
could understand why something like this destroys relationships. It's
been so hard to keep your own head above water at times."
Fighting back tears he tells of the guilt that "consumed" the couple
after their lives changed forever that fateful night. Their tiny twins
were also asleep in the apartment.
Gerry says: "Who's thinking about child abductions in a little sleepy
out-of-season tourist resort' It never entered our minds. We felt very
safe - it was a family resort."
While making no excuses, he tells how their thoughts were: "What could
happen' The kids are in bed asleep."
Torment ... Kate and Gerry McCann shortly after Madeleine
says: "If we could turn back the clock we would. Of course we wouldn't
do something like leave the twins alone like that now."
he stresses: "Blaming us for not being there takes it away from the
abductor. Someone went into an apartment and stole a child.
course we feel guilt. But it doesn't bring the child back."
tells of the first night she peeped into her daughter's pink bedroom
after the family got home to Rothley, Leics - breaking down as she
recalls imagining Madeleine saying: "Lie with me, Mummy. Lie with me."
confesses it shocks her to think her daughter would now be almost eight.
The mum says: "How has that time flown by'
see girls of eight and I try to imagine Madeleine like that. And I just
Nightmare ... Kate McCann has given an account of her
experience in her own words
Dan Charity - The Sun
Their twins Amelie and Sean, now six, are a source of constant comfort.
Sean has promised his mum: "When you're old, me and Amelie will look for
says: "They know that Madeleine was stolen. They call the person who
took her 'the naughty man'.
"They know it happened in Portugal. Amelie said, 'We went to Portugal
and then we woke up and Madeleine was gone'."
says of the abductor: "I think it was someone who knew our movements. I
don't think someone was passing by chance and took a child."
Since Portuguese police called off their investigation in 2008, the
search for Madeleine has been carried on by private investigators
Disappeared ... Madeleine McCann
bill for that is met out of a campaign fund set up by Kate and Gerry.
Donations flooded in, building a total of nearly '2million.
says her book is "to give an account of the truth" following vile slurs
that the couple themselves were involved. She surrounded herself with
photos of Madeleine as she wrote it - based on diaries she has kept.
can read a fuller version of Kate's shattering story in the printed
edition of The Sun today and all next week. In the following extract she
describes every mother's worst nightmare. It is the night that is seared
into her memory - when she left Gerry and their friends at the
restaurant and returned to the apartment:
was silent. Then I noticed that the door to the children's bedroom was
open quite wide, not how we had left it.
walked over and gently began to pull it to. Suddenly it slammed shut, as
if caught by a draught.
little surprised, I turned to see if I'd left the patio doors open and
let in the breeze. Retracing my steps, I confirmed that I hadn't.
Returning to the children's room, I opened the door a little, and as I
did so glanced at Madeleine's bed.
couldn't quite make her out in the dark. I remember looking at it and
looking at it for what was probably only a few seconds, though it felt
like much longer
Brave ... Gerry and Kate McCann have told how they felt
guilty after daughter Madeleine's disappearance
Dan Charity - The Sun
seems so daft now, but I didn't switch on the light straight away. Force
of habit, I suppose:
taking care to
avoid waking the children at all costs.
When I realised Madeleine wasn't actually there, I went through to our
bedroom to see if she'd got into our bed. That would explain the open
On the discovery
of another empty bed, the first wave of panic hit me. As I ran back into
the children's room the closed curtains flew up in a gust of wind.
Madeleine's bed, the top right-hand corners of the covers were still
turned over forming a neat triangle. Cuddle cat and her pink princess
blanket were lying where they'd been when we kissed her goodnight
I dashed over to the
second bed, on the other side of the travel cots, where the twins slept
on, oblivious, and looked out through the window. I've no idea what I
expected to see there. Refusing to acknowledge what I already knew, and
perhaps automatically going into a well-practised medical emergency
mode, I quickly scoured the apartment to exclude all other
possibilities, mentally ticking boxes I knew, deep down, were already
checked the wardrobe in the children's room. I ran into the kitchen,