McCann has admitted that after daughter Maddie disappeared there were
times she wished she and her family were dead.
Speaking just two days before the
abduction on May 3 2007 Kate revealed her agony was so great that she
used to hope that her, husband Gerry and their twins
Sean and Amelie
would die in an accident.
She said: "I used to have thoughts like we'll get wiped out in the car
on the motorway. So it would just happen, we'd all be gone, and the pain
would be away."
She says those thoughts eventually went away saying: "What I do know now
for sure is that I don't want that. Things have changed. I am desperate
to be here with Sean and Amelie and to help find
Maddie was snatched from a holiday
Praia da Luz, Portugal.
Today an angry Kate, 41, branded the
daughter's disappearance a "farce".
She hit out at the fact that
Portuguese cops are no longer looking for
Maddie and that any new leads are ignored by them.
Kate said: "If this was a murder inquiry there'd be an active
investigation because they'd want to find the
perpetrator, but as it
stands we have a perpetrator who's
still at large and therefore puts,
potentially puts, other children at risk, and we have a missing child.
So why is there no active investigation?
"I think it's a farce."
Husband Gerry is equally as angry that the search for Maddie has ended,
saying: "Officially for eighteen months and longer, law enforcement are
not pro-actively doing anything to find Madeleine, and who took her, and
I just think that is fundamentally unacceptable.
"Now we've been assured that if new information comes in it will be
"In fact the information that's come to light during the recent court
cases have shown that almost every single piece of information that's
gone to Portimao, the police station in the Algarve where the
investigation is based, has been treated in exactly the same manner,
which is being declared as not relevant."
In the past
Kate and Gerry, from Rothley, Leicestershire, have avoided
criticising the Portuguese police investigation into Maddie's
But as the agonising third anniversary of her abduction looms the
McCanns have made it clear how hopeless they think the efforts of some
of the Portuguese cops have been.
Heart specialist Gerry, 41, said: "There have been very poor elements of
the Portuguese investigation, and at the same time it's probably been
one of the biggest investigations ever in Portugal.
"So we aren't tarring everyone, there have been individuals who, for
whatever reason, have seemingly not wanted to find Madeleine. That's how
it appears to us.
"So there are people who are clearly making it more difficult and there
are others that in this country, for whatever motives, want to make it
more difficult. There are many people who've tried to derail what we're
doing along the way."
Kate says she fears that there may be other motives which have hindered
the search for her daughter.
She admitted: "I also think there'll be some people who would be greatly
embarrassed if Madeleine was found and that scares me. That scares me.
That might affect their want, or not, for Madeleine to be found."
The McCanns are planning to spend this weekend quietly at home with
Maddie's twin brother and sister Sean and Amelie who are now five.
The family will attend their local
on Sunday, the day
before the anniversary, to say prayers for Maddie.
Talking about the twins Gerry said: "Their recognition that what's
happened is morally very very wrong and that their sister should be at
home with them.
"Needless to say Sean in particular talks about having an aeroplane and
flying all over the world looking for 'that man who's taken Madeleine',
and when he gets him he's going to rescue her and take his sword out."
Kate says she prays that whoever has her daughter is taking care of her
saying: "You just hope that somebody who is looking after Madeleine,
that she is now not at harm and she's getting love and happiness. That's
all I can hope for."
She says she will never give up searching for Maddie saying: "You know
in my heart I feel she's out there. I really do.
"And that, together with the feeling that I have of this not being over,
of her still being there. The hardest thing obviously is how do we find
Gerry admits that in the days after Maddie disappeared he thought the
worse saying: "Early on we couldn't think of anything else but the worst
case, that she's been taken, abused and killed and dumped, or maybe left
seriously injured and dumped out in the freezing cold."
Despite the fact that they regularly attend the Catholic church near
their home Gerry admitted that Maddie's abduction has made him question
He said: "If anything when this first happened it strengthened my faith.
I felt that there was such support and I really felt that may have been
God's work, that something good was going to come out of this. I had a
lot more hope that this would lead to a relatively quick outcome."
But he admitted that as time has gone on his belief in God has faltered
saying: "I'm struggling much more now, without a doubt, I think that for
one child to have been the recipient of so many millions of prayers, you
think well I do have my doubt.
"You think, well if those prayers were going to work, they should have
worked a long time ago."